This past week, we had such an uplifting masterclass with over 80 women in attendance: “From Toxic to Healing to Thriving!” 🌟
I have not felt such a high in a long time, but this class got me reflecting deeply on some of the behaviors and cycles we find ourselves in as women. One of the most common patterns we discussed? Excusing bad and toxic behaviors.
Let me share a quote that has stuck with me ever since:
“🚩🚩 Red flags aren’t always about the other person. When you start lying to yourself about who they are so that you don’t have to face losing them, that’s the flag to pay attention to.”
Let that sink in for a moment. 🤔
The Hard Truth About Lying to Yourself is that Sometimes, the biggest red flag 🚩 isn’t about the other person’s actions, it’s about how we choose to see them.
Have you ever found yourself:
- Ignoring the little signs that something feels “off”?
- Rationalizing their actions even when they hurt you?
- Convincing yourself that things aren’t as bad as they seem?
If so, you’re not alone. It’s natural to want to hold on to love or connection, even when it costs us our peace and self-respect. But here’s the thing: when we mask reality to avoid pain, we drift further from the peace, trust, and love we truly deserve.
Why Do We Do This? You ask yourself, but if you think about it, It often comes down to fear.
- Fear of losing the relationship.
- Fear of being alone.
- Fear of starting over.
- Fear of facing the truth about ourselves and our choices.
But here’s the catch: lying to ourselves doesn’t protect us; it prolongs the hurt. It keeps us stuck in cycles of frustration and disappointment, robbing us of the healthy relationships we desire.
Real Honesty Starts Within!!
If you’ve ever felt the sting of recognizing your own red flags, know this: awareness is the first step to freedom.
- Recognize Excuses: Be honest about when you’re excusing behavior that violates your values or boundaries. If you find yourself saying, “It’s not that bad” or “They didn’t mean it,” pause and ask yourself, “Is this the love I want to settle for?”
- Own Your Truths: What are you avoiding about this person or yourself? Are you staying out of fear or genuine connection?
- Honor Your Worth: Remember, you deserve a relationship rooted in authenticity and respect. It’s better to walk away from what’s not working than to stay and lose yourself in the process.
So you ask, how do i begin to Break the Cycle? I propose you;
- Pause and Reflect: Journaling is a powerful tool. Write down the patterns you’ve noticed and how they’ve made you feel.
- Set Clear Boundaries: Identify your non-negotiables. If they’ve crossed them repeatedly, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
- Seek Support: Sometimes, talking to a friend, coach, or therapist can give you the clarity and strength to move forward.
- Practice Self-Compassion: It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or even confused. Allow yourself to process these emotions without judgment.
Sis, let’s make this clear: healthy love should never come at the expense of your peace or authenticity. It’s about mutual respect, honesty, and growth not rewriting someone’s actions to fit a version of them that doesn’t exist, It doesn’t require you to lose yourself, excuse bad behavior, or compromise your peace. It’s built on mutual respect, honesty, and trust, both with the other person and with yourself.
This week, I challenge you to ask yourself:
- What truths have I been avoiding to keep this connection alive?
- How can I honor myself better moving forward?
Let’s hold space for love that feels safe, honest, and true. You deserve nothing less.
💬 Share your reflections with me in the comments below: What steps are you taking to break unhealthy cycles and embrace relationships rooted in authenticity?
With ALL my support,
Lydia
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