A Valentine’s Day Reflection on Codependency!

Valentine’s Day often paints a picture of hearts, roses, and romantic gestures—a day to celebrate love in all its forms. But amidst the flowers and chocolates, there lies a truth many don’t speak about: love, when tangled with codependency, can leave us shattered, unsure of who we are, and clinging to relationships that drain rather than nourish us.

Today, I want to remind you that love should never come at the cost of yourself. And as you reflect on love this Valentine’s Day, I hope this message helps you break free from the unhealthy cycles of codependency.

What Codependency Is and What It’s Not!

Codependency is often misunderstood. It isn’t simply about being caring or supportive in a relationship. It’s a behavioral pattern where one person prioritizes another’s needs to the detriment of their own. It’s when your sense of self-worth hinges entirely on someone else’s approval or when you feel responsible for fixing, saving, or controlling another person.

Codependency is NOT love. It’s not compromise or selflessness. True love is a partnership built on mutual respect, not a one-sided effort to hold things together while losing yourself in the process.

Here’s the harsh reality: some people will break you, whether intentionally or unintentionally. They will push boundaries, take more than they give, and leave you depleted. And then, when you are left broken—an unrecognizable version of the person you once were, they will refuse to stay. They fell for your strength, your giving nature, your unwavering support, not realizing that these qualities come from a whole, not a fragmented, version of you.

This pattern often leaves the codependent person asking, “Wasn’t I enough?” The truth is, you were more than enough. You were simply playing a role that was never yours to begin with: the fixer, the caretaker, the emotional crutch.

Signs of Codependency to Watch For:

• Neglecting Your Own Needs: You feel guilty when doing something for yourself.
• People-Pleasing: You say “yes” when you want to say “no.”
• Lack of Boundaries: You feel responsible for others’ emotions and actions.
• Fear of Abandonment: The thought of being alone feels unbearable.
• Identity Loss: You don’t know who you are without the relationship.

How do you break Free?: Reclaiming Your Power

1. Acknowledge the Pattern: Awareness is the first step to change. Recognize the behaviors that stem from codependency.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: You didn’t choose codependency; it likely developed as a survival mechanism. Forgive yourself for past patterns.
3. Set Boundaries: Boundaries are not walls; they are guidelines for healthy interactions. Start small and honor your own limits.
4. Rebuild Your Identity: Take time to rediscover your passions, values, and dreams.
5. Seek Support: Whether through therapy, coaching, or support groups, know that healing is possible when you don’t walk the journey alone.

Love is beautiful when it’s healthy. It should lift you, not break you; nurture you, not drain you. As the world celebrates romantic love today, I invite you to celebrate self-love, a love based on who your creator says you are, whole and fully loved, the foundation upon which all other healthy relationships are built.

You deserve a love that doesn’t demand you to break yourself into pieces to make someone else feel whole. And the first step to finding that love is to break free from the cycle of codependency.

Choose you. Heal. Reclaim your seat of power.

Because the best love story starts with the one you write for yourself.

Happy Valentines Day!

Lydia.